I don’t know if you know of someone who is seen to have it all, comfortable, successful. They have a good job, the boyfriend, nice clothes, takes nice holidays each year and perhaps they have the house or at least it is on its way. They really seem comfortable, and seem happy. They are successful in their own right. I suspect that you could probably think of someone who fits that profile.
Then maybe you happen to look closer, you catch a bit of a conversation, you start to feel maybe things were not quite as what was originally perceived. It may even be that you know that person quite intimately.
Well once upon a time, that profile was one that fit me. That description was my life. I was perceived by those around me to be doing well, except deep inside, I was feeling unfulfilled and I had a deep resonating, persistent feeling that things were not quite right. I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing. I wasn’t being who I truly was meant to be being, and whilst it may have seemed that I had all that I could need and want for a comfortable living, the reality is that there were a few key critical pieces missing – holistically authentic and confident living – true joy and fulfilment.
I had felt stuck and wondered where or how to move from there.
I had this feeling for a while and you could say by this point I had been searching for years. I had been searching for a different way of being, a different way of doing life because the status quo felt somewhat out of sync for me. My searching perhaps was not as focused and as efficient as it could have been.
This relatively casual approach all came to a screeching halt on one very fateful day.
For the first time, I had experienced chest pain/heart ache I had previously thought only happens when you have to say a long goodbye to a loved one. By this point the weight of my emotional pain had got so heavy that it had now translated to a physical affliction. I had experienced this as I walked into work the day before New Year ’s Eve.
It was on this very same day that I moved from indecision to decision. I made the decision to quit my job, my pending house purchase and parted ways with the boyfriend. Yes in a way, I was running away from my life, getting a little distance and hopefully a little more clarity, but glad I made a decision as opposed to staying for a prolonged period in indecision.
I had decided to go abroad to learn a foreign language. It is said that learning a new language is like having a new window in your home, with more light and a new, and different perspective. The lightness was certainly welcome and the hope was that it would counterbalance and heal the heaviness I was experiencing. Plus by this point, having been searching for years, I was pretty keen on discovering the undiscovered with the hope that I would find the solutions I was looking for in terms of how to live with authenticity, greater confidence doing work I loved. Sure I had no guarantees about this time, energy and financial commitment, but I knew enough. The status quo was not working. I had reached my enough point when the chest pains started.
So off I went on the adventure…
So at the start of this post I expressed inquisition as to whether you know of someone who seemed to be successful.
Your response and thoughts to that would be in part dependent on how you define success. For some it’s the good job, nice holidays, house, boyfriend, whereas to others it may look quite different.
I thought success was about setting a goal and then surpassing it. I thought on a level it was about status and recognition of achievement. I had created this life that was dependent on external outcomes and I made near 0 space to check in regularly with how I really felt inside. My self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence and overall emotional wellbeing were largely dependent on what my scorecard looked like. This proved to be a high risk approach to do life, leaving one exposed to the effects of external, uncontrollable factors.
The reason I felt out of sync, unhappy, and unfulfilled was because I was living a life that may have been pleasing for others to see, and experience, but certainly was not pleasing to me deep down nor a joy. You see the nice clothes, house, boyfriend, holidays – these physical realities are all meaningless without joy and / or a sense of purpose or a healthy sense of self-esteem.
So if any of the above resonates because you recognise you or you recognise someone you know, you might be glad to know that there are proactive measures you can take.
The first step is to check in with your definition of success, is it helping you or keeping you stuck?
Another thing I did was to reframe my relationship with goal setting, transforming it into a more holistic approach where the emphasis is not just on the end but on the journey as well. The consequence of this is essentially living a more purposeful and unadulterated joyful life.
If you are feeling stuck, trapped, you had enough and would like to find how to get out without having to burn 100s of hours and £1000s searching for the solutions to find out how you can make that transition and/or create more confidence, do get in touch for a free complimentary consultation.